I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
