fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize