I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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