Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
