I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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