so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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