Your face is a jimmy john
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
