Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
