i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
it was like eating out sand paper
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
