I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
