I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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