i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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