he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
