did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
