My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
