good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
