I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
