Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
