Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
