sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
