The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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