Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
