You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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