Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Im part way to drunk.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
