All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
