But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
