ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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