she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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