I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
