My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I am naked and annoyed.