Texts From Last Night

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  (818): View more from California

  I just ran into the couch, vagina first.

  (1-818): View more from California

  I hope you got dinner out of it

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  (818): I just ran into the couch, vagina first. (1-818): I hope you got dinner out of it http://tfl.nu/uzwb
  Replies (15) Good night (4104) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.

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  (603): well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access. http://tfl.nu/o23q
  Replies (26) Good night (3830) Bad night (1277) Order T-Shirt
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  (801): View more from Utah

  two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?

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  (801): two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me? http://tfl.nu/3spk
  Replies (10) Good night (917) Bad night (3870) Order T-Shirt
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven

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  (804): just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven http://tfl.nu/wd21
  Replies (3) Good night (2216) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him

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  (201): He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him http://tfl.nu/dx9z
  Replies (13) Good night (1541) Bad night (2691) Order T-Shirt
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.

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  (440): If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times. http://tfl.nu/5360
  Replies (2) Good night (3344) Bad night (580) Order T-Shirt
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"

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  (501): I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d" http://tfl.nu/qasx
  Replies (7) Good night (2765) Bad night (554) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.

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  (303): Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans. http://tfl.nu/out8
  Replies (5) Good night (1374) Bad night (359) Order T-Shirt
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.

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  (808): And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up. http://tfl.nu/dab6
  Replies (9) Good night (3318) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  he's gonorrhea incarnate

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  (201): he's gonorrhea incarnate http://tfl.nu/krir
  Replies (2) Good night (364) Bad night (1228) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.

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  (+44): When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone. http://tfl.nu/uct6
  Replies (4) Good night (430) Bad night (1074)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.

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  (509): He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes. http://tfl.nu/sfqd
  Replies (5) Good night (1580) Bad night (441) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.

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  (720): she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent. http://tfl.nu/e5i7
  Replies (2) Good night (517) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.

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  (613): hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me. http://tfl.nu/dgyw
  Replies (2) Good night (432) Bad night (504) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.

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  (615): I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake. http://tfl.nu/9fke
  Replies (1) Good night (739) Bad night (166) Order T-Shirt

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