Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs

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(610): if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs http://tfl.nu/tehh

Replies (12) Good night (2897) Bad night (1032)
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(248): View more from Michigan

brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.

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(248): brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing. http://tfl.nu/ysyr

Replies (10) Good night (4582) Bad night (730)
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(607): View more from New York

you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later

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(607): you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later http://tfl.nu/x9e9

Replies (9) Good night (6393) Bad night (1023)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?

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(615): If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen? http://tfl.nu/ze7l

Replies (9) Good night (4572) Bad night (1203)
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(248): View more from Michigan

either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.

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(248): either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her. http://tfl.nu/6guc

Replies (10) Good night (4616) Bad night (1242)
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(419): View more from Ohio

You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.

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(419): You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you. http://tfl.nu/qq0g

Replies (15) Good night (2542) Bad night (1293)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.

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(570): I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT. http://tfl.nu/iw7k

Replies (5) Good night (2307) Bad night (679)
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(760): View more from California

I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.

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(760): I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired. http://tfl.nu/xk23

Replies (4) Good night (1028) Bad night (506)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.

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(413): Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you. http://tfl.nu/55zo

Replies (4) Good night (1389) Bad night (596)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna

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(651): drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna http://tfl.nu/yd45

Replies (3) Good night (449) Bad night (1661)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.

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(202): Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out. http://tfl.nu/48b9

Replies (17) Good night (2302) Bad night (1094)
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(850): View more from Florida

He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.

(412): View more from Pennsylvania

And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk

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(850): He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really. (412): And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk http://tfl.nu/08bn

Replies (7) Good night (1691) Bad night (407)
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(314): View more from Missouri

"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.

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(314): "Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it. http://tfl.nu/6fe1

Replies (0) Good night (734) Bad night (334)
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(435): View more from Utah

Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.

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(435): Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus. http://tfl.nu/v0t7

Replies (6) Good night (555) Bad night (403)
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?

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(267): do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate? http://tfl.nu/3j8j

Replies (3) Good night (733) Bad night (303)

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