chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?