D3 body, D1 cock
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day