See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?