Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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