i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
