Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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