We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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