i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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