I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
