it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
