Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
