i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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