This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The air taste purple.
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