those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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