Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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