peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
