I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
