Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
