Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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