Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
