I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
