My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
