just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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