Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
