i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
