Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
