just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
