I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
