wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
