Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
