My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
