I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
