then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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