i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
