what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Floor bacon is actually really good
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
