no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
