there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
