I just pynch a tree in the face
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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