Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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